Thursday, March 31, 2011

As the world turns....

My little baby turned two on March 19th... just a couple of weeks ago. We celebrated Owen's big day with our family and friends at our home in Maple Grove... the first party that I have ever thrown on my own. Owen had an absolute blast and loved his underwater themed party. When he was not pointing up at the ceiling yelling "fishes" he was chasing bubbles and balloons around our house.

Although my house was packed wall to wall with people and all of the kids were running up and down the stairs... we managed to make it work and Owen had a wonderful birthday. I tried hard to think of all of the ways that I could incorporate Bryan into Owen's big day... because he should be here... celebrating his son's special day along side all those who love him... all those who love us. So, I put together a 35 minute dvd of pictures and music documenting Owen's past two years.

While bouncing from room to room entertaining our guests... it was nice to see Bryan's face on the tv screen... holding Owen... smiling... here! I always battle with finding different ways to include Bryan in our everyday lives... from writing this blog... to keeping a journal for Owen about Bryan's favorite things... I am constantly trying to think of ways to keep Bryan around... to keep his memory alive... to keep him "real".

Tomorrow, Papa Buzz is checking into the hospital and undergoing surgery at 1pm to remove his prostate/cancer. It is going to be a very hard day for all of us... especially Buzz and Lori. I don't think that Owen understands that he will not be able to wrestle or swim with Papa for awhile... it should be interesting to see how he reacts to the whole recovery process. Every morning when Owen wakes up he asks me if he can go play with Papa Buzz... It is going to be hard to keep him from tackling Papa... but I know his beautiful spark and amazing sense of humor will help Buzz immensely. I know that it helps me on my darkest days.

Although Owen won't be able to go to the hospital and wait with us to hear the news about Papa's surgery (there is no way he could sit still for three hours) ... I am planning on going... to hold Lori's hand and to add some comic relief with some of my many Owen stories. Buzz has so many people that love him and that are going to be with him on his journey... Owen and I especially.

He has always been our rock, now it is time that we become his. We love you Papa Buzz!


  1. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time. And a Happy Belated Birthday to your precious Owen. I don't know any of you personally but I enjoy reading your updates and knowing that you all are doing well - it makes me very happy. Be well!

  2. Ash, tomorrow will go great! My thoughts and prayers are with you and the rest of the Prairie's tomorrow. I hope to see you again sometime soon, I also hope you don't have 10,000 stickers all over your walls...I also hope your cat can find a good hiding place...:)

    Take Care,


  3. I mean today....geesh... I'm a few hours late...:)

  4. the birthday story is adorable! your son is so cute! and prayers and wishes for papa buzz! :)

    love and light to you. :)

  5. Hello - I am so sorry for your loss. I found your blog as a link from one of my widowed blog friends. I am also widow who lives in St. Paul = we have worked to create a program called The Grief Project - it is a volunteer driven nonprofit, we are holding a retreat in Farmington on July 23-24 - and will be holding gatherings in the Twin Cities for information, networking and peer support. I would like to invite you to join us - our website is Contact information is on the website - I blog at - love and light, Suzann