Friday, November 19, 2010
A renewed hope
I did everything right (or at least I tried to). I never did drugs or stayed out past curfew. I got good grades. I went to a great college and got an amazing degree. I fell in love with my high school sweetheart. I got married. I had a good job. I gave birth to a beautiful boy...
my world still came crumbling down.
But, no matter what I did to try to make my life perfect... to try to make my life normal... it still disintegrated right in front of me on September 3, 2009 at roughly 3pm.
I wake up every morning thinking that each day is going to be better than the last. Most days... I can make it through my day okay. But, lately it seems like I am constantly reminded about how tough my life really is. Every time I go to my mailbox I am terrified to open my mail. I have health insurance... I don't have health insurance. I will receive social security... I won't receive social security. I get a workmen's comp check... I don't get a workmen's comp check.
This past week, when I got my mail... I found out that I had lost my health insurance and most of my monthly income. Let's just say I have had a few meltdowns.
HOW IN THE HELL AM I GOING TO SURVIVE?
Why is it that even though I did everything right... I feel like the scum of the Earth... the lowest of the lows.
Why is it that I cannot make it work?
Why is it that I feel like such a failure?
Why did I try so hard if I was just going to end up struggling and being so stuck?
Why me... I did not want to raise my son this way?
Amidst my breakdown and my loss of self-worth... something happened this week that made me feel like everything was going to be okay... Like someone was looking out for us. It is on days like today that I am reminded... no matter how tough your situation is... you will make it through... you will survive.
On Thursday morning... the same day that I had just finished draining out my savings account... I received a letter from the Liz Logelin Foundation. I thought that it was going to be a simple thank you letter for attending their event this past September... but when I opened the envelope, I was brought to tears. Enclosed was a beautiful letter and a $3,000 check. The Liz Logelin Foundation decided to sponsor Owen and I for the month of November 2010.
I WAS GOING TO BE OK!
WE WERE GOING TO BE OK!
Because of generous gifts from multiple donors and the amazing Liz Logelin Organization, Owen and I are going to be financially ok again for a little while. I went from not knowing how I was going to pay rent in December ... to having enough money for the next few months. All of my prayers were answered at the most opportune time.
I feel like it is during times like these that we realize the importance of hope. Although I have had a really rough year and a half I know that someone is looking out for Owen and me. I know that we are going to make it... that we are going to be ok.
Through the struggle we learn to appreciate the things that we DO have. I have an amazing family, a wonderful son, amazing friends, and fabulous memories. Thank you Matt Logelin and the Liz Logelin Foundation for giving me that renewed hope... for making me see the light at the end of the tunnel.