Life is fragile...
Life is unpredictable...
and just when you think you have it all figured out,
Life smacks you upside the head and reminds you that you are not in control...
that Life is not up to you...
that Life is unfair.
This past month I have been doing a good job of pushing forward and working towards trying to figure out my future... figure out what I want to do with this gift of life that I have been given.
At the beginning of February, Owen and I took a trip to South Dakota. I wanted to meet with my college journalism professor Janet... to catch up... to tell her about Bryan... and to get her advice. Janet was always in my corner. She made writing/learning fun. When I decided that I wanted to write a book, I knew that I had to get in touch with her and do some massive brainstorming. During our one hour together, Janet helped me out more than she will ever know. She got me focused... she got me on track... and she made me confident in myself... confident in my ideas.
Our trip to Sioux Falls was amazing and Owen and I had a blast. Just spending a few days cooped up in a hotel room... playing with play dough, coloring in coloring books and jumping on the bed was just what we needed. Owen got to see where he was born, experience Augustana College (where Bryan and I graduated from), drive by his first home and chase butterflies at the butterfly gardens with Bryan's old college roommate/friend Kyle.
After our trip to South Dakota, I decided that we are going to make a ritual out of traveling to Sioux Falls each year... the place where Owen's father smashed the triple jump school records and graduated with a RN and Biology degree. The place where his mother met her best friend Tiffany and discovered her passion for writing. The place where his parents started their lives together and brought him into this world.
Just when we were least expecting it... this past week we received the sad news that "Papa Buzz", Bryan's father, has stage one prostate cancer. When they told me the news I have to say that I was shocked. After we lost Bryan, I did not think that we would have to wade through any more sadness or loss...at least for awhile. That old saying "When it rains, it pours" has been very true for the Prairie family these past two years.Bill is the strength in our family... he is the glue that holds us together... he is our rock. Whenever I need something or have a question... Bill (and my dad) is my go to person. Seeing him vulnerable and scared is difficult and heartbreaking to watch. I feel so helpless... I feel so numb.
Since Bryan passed away, Bill has stepped in as Owen's go to "dad". Owen loves his "Papa Buzz" and asks for him every morning when he wakes up. Without "Papa Buzz"...
who would bring Owen to his swimming lessons...
who would teach Owen how to hunt...
who would teach Owen how to fish...
who would tell Owen all of the stories about his father that only a father would know...
who would teach Owen how to drive...
but most of all...
who would teach Owen how to be the same stand up amazing man that his Papa was....
No one can do those things but him... but Buzz.
On April 1st, Bill will be going in for surgery. While the prognosis is good and everything sounds very positive... the fact that he has to go through all of this is still heartbreaking and scary. Owen and I will be there every step of the way cheering him on and sending silly dances and smiles his way.
Although life is unfair and difficult...
Life is also amazing.
Life is filled with love...
Life is filled with beauty...
Most of all... Life is worth it!
We love our Papa Buzz and are his biggest cheerleaders! We cannot wait to spend 50 more years watching the beauty in life right by his side... on the boat and in the woods.
